Well, I should have done something about this on THURSDAY

February 10, 2008 at 3:08 pm | Posted in Recovery, Uncategorized | Leave a comment
like, call my sponsor or something…but instead it’s just been IN MY HEAD since then….so now I KNOW that I should call my sponsor.

Ever since I got the news on Thursday about having to have ANOTHER MRI and the possibility (now the probability, since I spoke to my family doctor on Friday) of having multiple injections into my neck/spine…the thought of DROWNING MY SORROWS has been in my head.

Do I want a drink?  Do I want to get drunk?

No, but I want to fricking ESCAPE from all of this unknown crap that has surrounded me since the 27th of February and drinking was a pretty quick escape for me for quite a few years.

Okay, see how fast stinking thinking can come upon someone even though they have a few 24 hours in AA?  I’m not immune to this sh!t or any better off than a newcomer.  You would think that after 21 years of being sober, I’d have hauled @ss and gone over to my sponsor’s house or at least called her but NO, here I sit, three days later and haven’t called her…nor have I mentioned this to my dh, who would probably gladly kick me over to M’s house.

No, honestly, I don’t want to drown my sorrows the old way…I want to get through this the real way, the today way…but it’s HARD, oh GOD, it’s hard.  I don’t want to have to take stupid Valium and get stuck inside a tube for another fricking HOUR of loud clicks and whirs while a machine takes pictures of my stupid spine.

OH, I wonder if M is home…

Off to call her………….

~ Patty


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