Didn’t do much for supper tonight. Remember the chili burgers from the other day? This evening I just made myself chili dogs. Daniel didn’t want hot dogs or chili dogs, so he had some Ramen noodles. Then part of a sub sandwich that I had bought at the store.
Nobody feels much like eating this week. My hubby has pneumonia. Again. He hasn’t felt well since last Friday and has barely eaten since Saturday. I took him to the family doctor on Tuesday and she gave him some heavy-duty antibiotics. I’ve been pushing fluids on him: Diet Pepsi (even though it has caffeine); water; soda water; milk. He’s eaten some crackers, cereal, chicken noodle soup and fruit.
He goes back to the doctor for a follow-up and I’m worried that she’ll send him to be admitted to the hospital.
It sucks to have cancer. All it takes is anything – a cold – the sniffles – and BANG! Pneumonia. I’ve lost track of how many times the poor guy has had it. He just had it in March.
So, I want to ask you all to please pray for him. It’s so hard to be a wife and see my beloved so ill.
Just a lot of stuff going through my mind tonight.
I just blogged about supper.
My son already cleaned up the kitchen and took out the trash. Now he’s downstairs playing on his Xbox.
My husband just gave himself a breathing treatment and is now reading.
I hate cancer.
When my husband was diagnosed seven years ago – yes, it’s been that long – it was scary. But then he had his right kidney removed and we felt as if it was over. Yep, he had scans every six months and things were good for a few years. Four years to be exact.
But then the cancer came back.
Nobody told me that kidney cancer comes back. It typically comes back within three years.
We were blessed with an extra year.
But now we’re faced with this monster on a daily basis. He sees his oncologist every month; he takes his chemo pills daily; he’s tired all the time.
Life is touch and go. I don’t always know which way I’m supposed to be going. Forward some days and some days I feel like I’m going backwards.
I need to be strong. For my son’s sake as well as for my husband. Thankfully I have family and friends to love me and help when I ask for help. It’s hard for me to ask for help. In fact, last month, my husband is the one who called my brother and asked him to help out. My brother came as quickly as he could, to help take care of my mom after her eye surgery.
There are books for brides-to-be. There are books on how to decorate your home….tons of cookbooks to buy and try out (ask me, I should know). There are tons of books on how to get pregnant, how to be pregnant, what to name the baby, how to raise the baby….but there are not very many books on how to watch your husband struggle with a terminal illness. Nor are there many on how to help your teenager (almost 14) watch his dad struggle on a daily basis.
I hate cancer.
Thankfully, God is here with us. Some days it doesn’t feel as though He is around, but if I can still myself, I hear His voice, telling me to relax because He is in control. He knows what’s going on. Those days when all I can do is cry, He hears me and He understands and He knows what I’m praying for, even when I don’t.
Thank You, God.
I need to be more involved with my blogging. Lately, I’ve been having fun on my cooking blog and ignoring this one.
I transferred the cooking blog from Blogger and while I was poking around this blog (that I transferred from LiveJournal a long time ago), I discovered that I’ve been blogging since 2003. That was the year my best friend died from breast cancer.
Little did I know that a few years later, kidney cancer would rear its ugly head in my own family. My husband was diagnosed five years ago in March, had a nephrectomy (right kidney) in April, 2007 and then was fine until two years ago in March, when it was discovered that it metastisized into his left tibia (knee). Five years ago, I didn’t do any research into kidney cancer and looking back, I’m glad that I didn’t because if I knew then what I know now, I would have been sitting here waiting for the time bomb that kidney cancer is. It always comes back, usually within two years. My husband’s came back after three, so God gifted us with another year.
There’s no cure for kidney cancer. I asked his oncologist’s nurse about that and told her to be honest with me and she told me that all we can hope for is to keep him comfortable, to hope that the chemo can slow the spread and growth.
We found out after his knee was radiated, that it went into his lungs. Earlier this year, we found that it’s in his pancreas, liver and lymph nodes.
The good news is that his last scans (August) showed shrinkage in one of the nodes in his lung and on the lymph node in his chest.
He’s been so brave. He’s gone through so much pain, I wish I could take it from him. It sucks to see him in pain, to know he knows what’s going to happen. It breaks my heart knowing that he isn’t going to watch our 13-year old graduate from high school or college; that he’ll never hold his grandchildren; that we won’t grow old together the way we’ve planned; that he won’t be able to sail around Cape Horn and get his ear pierced; that we won’t be able to go back to Maryland so that he can show us where he grew up.
I hate cancer.
OK, so I’ve been busy. That’s not a good excuse, is it? Anyway, I have been playing so much on http://www.facebook.com and recently playing SIMS on Facebook. I think I’m addicted to Facebook and to SIMS. If nobody bothered me, I’d probably be on SIMS 24/7.
Things are going well for my family. Ron is doing well with his chemo and Daniel is…well, he’s not getting As and Bs in school but he’s doing “the best he can” according to him. We’re trying to help motivate him.
As for me, I was recently diagnosed with spinal stenosis. Interested parties can learn more at this really cool website, http://www.spinalstenosis.org/. My problems start at lumbar #1 which is in the middle of the spinal column and then the problem goes down, down, down. I’ve had two injections (one today) and the first one did so well, that the other night, Daniel and I were doing The Twist in the kitchen LOL
Tonight, my legs are sore, which is to be expected. In the morning, it’s going to be rough going for a bit until I walk around a while. The first time I received a shot, on the Friday before Halloween, I woke up on Saturday and it felt as if my legs were paralyzed. Talk about SCARED! I tried not to panic but gradually and very slowly got up and managed to get going. So tomorrow I will take it slow.
The weekend of December 3, I’m taking my mom to KCK. Her best friend from high school has cancer and her doctor has told her there’s nothing more that can be done. It breaks my heart to know this, so I’m very glad to take my mom up so that we can see her. We’ll stay over one night, coming home on December 4. Please pray for Kathy and for my mom, too. Cancer sucks.
Cancer stole my best friend from me…it’s taking my mom’s best friend…and I can’t fool myself into thinking that it will take my beloved husband. BUT, he is doing well. We’re going to Springfield on December 5 so that he can have scans. Please pray that everything is still good. His oncologist has been so glad at every visit. So are we! No bad news is GREAT NEWS, kwim?
Okay, that’s it for now. Time to walk this puppy. She weighs around 65 pounds and is a HUGE bundle of love and joy. Let me find a recent picture to post of my Schatzi’s Shadow.
OK, so it’s been forever again since I’ve posted. Things are going well!
Schatzi’s Shadow is 4 months old today and weighs at least 30 pounds….we’ll have to weigh her at puppy kindergarten on Monday. YES, we are taking her to kindergarten. It’s doing her well and it’s doing me a LOT of good, too. Her teacher is incredible, I wish he could LIVE with us and teach us 24/7 what to do! His name is Tristan Jolivette and he’s a PROFESSIONAL dog trainer, not just a person who thinks he knows enough to train a dog. You’ve got to check out his website, T’s Dogs. He’s done wonders with me, er, I mean, with Shadow! NO, seriously, he’s teaching ME more sometimes than he’s teaching Shadow. Ron is tough enough that when he speaks, she listens. Me, I tend to not be strong-voiced with her and she KNOWS that she can get away with nips and bites and tugging on the leash. So I have to learn how to be a good dog handler and Tristan is working with me on that. As far as Daniel goes, he gets bored with Shadow, which is pretty sad but both Ron and Tristan agree that as they BOTH mature, they’ll find ways to be together.
Ron’s last scans were great: no spread of cancer and the nodes in his lungs are shrinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We spent a week in Branson and had a blast, staying at The Falls Village which is part of our vacation time-share. Mom and I will go back in September; the three of us will return in October and then during Thanksgiving the three of us will spend time there, as well as The Wilderness Club at Big Cedar. Then all of our points will be used up for the year. Wish we had discovered time-shares earlier but hey, it was fun.
Work is great….summer reading club activities have started so I’m busy busy busy!
OK, time to re-check email and re-check my Listia profile, then going to read some more. Am reading DiAnn Mills newest, A Fire in Ember. Almost finished! It’s really really good – she’s a great author, you have to check her out if you like Christian romance.
It helps that I’ve prayed a LOT over the past 24 hours. Some days/nights I can’t even pray and I don’t even know if God is there….that’s how scared I’ve been lately.
This morning, Daniel had a dental appointment so we went to Springfield to get his cavity fixed; then he needed breakfast so we stopped at McDonald’s. Then I delivered him to school (he made it to 2nd period, so that’s good) then I went to the Purdy library to deliver Roxanne’s alligator back to her. Of course we visited for about 45 minutes.
Then I went to the Monett library because they had a book for me; I checked my e-mail while I was there. Then I skedaddled over to the bank for grocery money/gas money for next week.
Lunch at mom’s. Oh ya, she made posole! I love love love posole. It was SO good!
Then to Walmart for a couple of things, then go get gas. It cost $57 to fill my tank. WOW!
Finally home. Ron had a rough night, he couldn’t sleep and was up until 5:30. He rested until around 9:00 and is resting right now. He finally ate something besides bananas and pudding; scrambled eggs. I offered him all kinds of food but he wasn’t hungry right now. Hopefully he’ll want dinner.
I doubt he comes tonight to the Upward basketball final party. Hopefully, Daniel will understand.
God is good.
Hubby had some butterscotch pudding, took a cat nap in his recliner, helped put ds to bed and is now downstairs watching tv. He hadn’t been downstairs for a couple of days. I’m praying that he’ll be feeling more like himself tomorrow.
Now I’m going to have some butterscotch pudding (lactaid tablet first though LOL) and then going to bed.
Daniel has a dental appointment tomorrow at 8 so we have to leave home by 7 in order to get to Springfield. Ack!
But then I’m having lunch w/my mom. She made posole and wow, I haven’t had posole for a long long time!
Today was a better day. My dh took the initiative and called his oncologist and spoke with the nurse. He has NEVER done that before, so I know he was worried. The doc said that he is to STOP all meds except for his chemo and see how he feels in a couple of days. We are seeing the Nurse Practitioner on Monday. According to the message from the doc, dh should be feeling better tomorrow, hopefully by Friday.
Today he’s been quiet (he called me twice while I was at work) and hasn’t been eating much besides a banana and I just made him some butterscotch pudding. But he’s more alert than he has been. He’s really really cold, though. He’s wearing 3 shirts and is covered with his Snuggie and I just gave him the heating pad about 30 minutes ago to set on himself. I set it on really low so he doesn’t overheat.
We all have our own crosses to bear…I’m just so darned grateful that I have friends to help me carry my cross…of course, I’m mostly grateful to the Lord because without Him, I surely would have given up by now. I was praying on the way home tonight from work, “God is in control, God is in control, God is in control” It wasn’t a fancy prayer but it was prayer and I know He heard me ♥
The oncology nurse called this morning; they faxed the prescription in on Friday and we should be getting it this week.
I’m praying it’ll work on those nodes that have grown in his lungs.