Last Post, April 27…today is November 21!

November 21, 2011 at 10:03 pm | Posted in Cancer, Dog: Schatzi's Shadow, Long Time No See, Loss, SIMS, Spinal Stenosis, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

OK, so I’ve been busy. That’s not a good excuse, is it? Anyway, I have been playing so much on http://www.facebook.com and recently playing SIMS on Facebook. I think I’m addicted to Facebook and to SIMS.  If nobody bothered me, I’d probably be on SIMS 24/7.

Things are going well for my family.  Ron is doing well with his chemo and Daniel is…well, he’s not getting As and Bs in school but he’s doing “the best he can” according to him.  We’re trying to help motivate him.

As for me, I was recently diagnosed with spinal stenosis.  Interested parties can learn more at this really cool website, http://www.spinalstenosis.org/.  My problems start at lumbar #1 which is in the middle of the spinal column and then the problem goes down, down, down.  I’ve had two injections (one today) and the first one did so well, that the other night, Daniel and I were doing The Twist in the kitchen LOL

Tonight, my legs are sore, which is to be expected.  In the morning, it’s going to be rough going for a bit until I walk around a while.  The first time I received a shot, on the Friday before Halloween, I woke up on Saturday and it felt as if my legs were paralyzed.  Talk about SCARED! I tried not to panic but gradually and very slowly got up and managed to get going.  So tomorrow I will take it slow.

The weekend of December 3, I’m taking my mom to KCK.  Her best friend from high school has cancer and her doctor has told her there’s nothing more that can be done.  It breaks my heart to know this, so I’m very glad to take my mom up so that we can see her.  We’ll stay over one night, coming home on December 4.  Please pray for Kathy and for my mom, too.  Cancer sucks.

Cancer stole my best friend from me…it’s taking my mom’s best friend…and I can’t fool myself into thinking that it will take my beloved husband.  BUT, he is doing well.  We’re going to Springfield on December 5 so that he can have scans.  Please pray that everything is still good.  His oncologist has been so glad at every visit.  So are we!  No bad news is GREAT NEWS, kwim?

Okay, that’s it for now.  Time to walk this puppy.  She weighs around 65 pounds and is a HUGE bundle of love and joy. Let me find a recent picture to post of my Schatzi’s Shadow.

Schatzi’s Shadow, 10 months old

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Last night’s memorial service. . .

August 16, 2003 at 12:58 pm | Posted in Doris, Loss | Leave a comment

was beautiful. We got there late and the funeral home was packed, it was standing room only inside and there were people even outside. They had made a booklet about Doris, with her picture on the cover and I just burst into tears when I saw it, thinking of how beautiful she was. Her face was bright and cheerful, she was healthy and strong, just glowing. The cancer took a lot out of her, but you know what? Even at the end, when she didn’t have much hair besides her fuzz (I used to spike it up for her, it was so cute), when she was under 100 pounds and fragile as china, she was beautiful. She will always be beautiful to me.

I wish we had gotten to be in the main room, but after the service, they let us file in to see the pictures and flowers and of course, to hug her widower and sons. Daniel acted shy but he gave his Uncle Don a big hug. We had debated all week on whether to take him or not, and decided that he needed to make his own closure, to say goodbye. I don’t know how much of everything he understands but he does tell me that he loves Aunt Doris and that she’s in Heaven, in the clouds.

My heart is aching and probably will ache for a long time. How do we go on without her? Yesterday I was in the city (medical appointment) and went to a new salad restaurant to have lunch and while I was sitting there, thought, “Oh Doris would love this place, I have to call her when I get home” and of course, I cried, because I remembered I couldn’t call her.

They had some beautiful music at the service; some of it was unfamiliar, but then, as we were going up to see her husband, they played this song (I Can Only Imagine) and it was all I could do to keep walking…OH GOD, I know she’s with You, I know she’s out of pain, but it HURTS SO MUCH to not have her here…the minister said we would all get through this with Your love, Lord, so please help us all.

I have a memorial page for Doris at my website, I haven’t been able to go there this week. It’s incredible that before the service, before her death, I had put up the midi for this song. I have to hold onto it, I think. It may be the best way to survive this heartache.

I don’t know if anyone has even come to read this and it doesn’t matter, I suppose. It was good just to sit and cry by myself. Actually, not by myself, if you KWIM.

It’s good to have a place to come and just get rid of the pain.

Saying Goodbye

July 23, 2003 at 12:32 pm | Posted in Doris, Loss | Leave a comment

My best friend has terminal cancer; it is spreading all over her body and she’s currently in the hospital with pneumonia. She may not make it till the end of the month.

A couple of weeks ago she told me that she was ready.

This morning I was able to sit with her and tell her “thank you” for giving me the gift of knowing that she was ready; I thanked her for helping me to let her go. I told her I was sad, very sad and that I would miss her forever and love her forever and never ever forget her, but if her time was coming, I will let her go with love.

She has spoken with her husband, MIL and 16 year old son and told them, too, that she’s ready. She is tired, oh so tired and is unable to eat and keep food in when she does.

I am selfish, I wish she could live for another 50 years, but reality is, the cancer is bad. Bad bad bad.

I’m no longer worried about her, though; she has made her peace with the Lord and knows that the angels will guide her to Him. I told her she’s going to have the most beautiful shiny wings and that I know that we’ll be together again in Heaven.

I am sad sad sad but not mad anymore. Just sad. I’m not sure how life will be without her. It will be lonely.

Please keep her husband and son in your prayers.

Thank you.

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