Monday afternoon

September 17, 2007 at 3:45 pm | Posted in Allergies, Mood, No School, School! | Leave a comment

It’s a Monday afternoon. Daniel is home from school. He’s off tomorrow (teacher’s in-service day) and I’m taking him and a friend to Chuck E. Cheese. They’ll be happy for a couple of hours and they’ll spend money and play games and at the end of the time, they’ll take their tickets and redeem them for cheap toys that will break on the way home…….oh well. Kid stuff!

I took a nap this morning. Woke up this morning feeling very tired (and cranky). Tried to sleep with my cpap machine but I got a clogged nose and couldn’t get comfortable so I took it off and slathered up my nose with Vicks VapoRub and fell asleep. But didn’t sleep well, kept waking up with my clogged nose. I go to the allergist on the 24th.

Okay, I’m off to the Blue Cross/Blue Shield website again to enter Daniel’s information. Yesterday he earned 85 miles. He said he doesn’t want the Lands End prize, he wants an iPod instead, ha ha. I wonder how many miles that takes?

Adios for now…….

Patty

Is This Wednesday?

September 5, 2007 at 9:15 am | Posted in Church, Mood, School! | Leave a comment

Wow, did Labor Day confuse me this week….

Naturally, Daniel was home from school on Monday.  Um, well, on Tuesday when he got dressed for school, he put on a tee-shirt and shorts.  Problem is, he’s not supposed to wear shorts to Mass on Tuesdays or Thursdays.  I didn’t realize it was a Mass day until we got to school.  Too late to go home and change!  I was so upset with myself!  I called the school secretary and told her to give my apologies to the principal, that I had gotten mixed up on the day of the week and totally messed up.

Today is Wednesday.

Today is Wednesday.

Maybe if I keep telling myself over and over that it’s Wednesday, it will soak into my brain.

TWO MORE DAYS until the salad luncheon.  Everything (except the ICE) has been purchased and most of it is in the church kitchen.  Some of it is in MY kitchen, some of it is in the trunk of my car.  Keep on praying that the NEW church hall is completed in time for us to get in there on Friday!

I have baked all my cookies, too.  Decided to do it the easy way – instead of baking from scratch, I bought those

break-apart cookies and did them!  I was going to bake 5 dozen cookies – but when I realized I had to do them, plus make 3 salads, plus get the hall ready, plus take care of home stuff, I decided to let go and do it the easier, softer way!  

So even though they aren’t from scratch, my home smells delicious, like home-baked cookies!

 

Uggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!

August 30, 2007 at 12:31 pm | Posted in C-Pap Machine, Mood | Leave a comment
Last night was my first night with the Cpap machine and I did not like it one bit!It was easy to fill with the distilled water and I got the mask on properly but then when I turned on the machine and tried to lay down, I felt like I couldn’t breathe and started choking!

It took me about 10-15 minutes until I could breathe properly and lay down. Poor Daniel, I think he was worried. I tried to keep him calm but it’s nearly impossible to talk with the mask on. He said it sounded like I was crying.I woke up with a mild headache. But I’m not groggy or sleepy or anything.

Hopefully, tonight will be better.  

Hasta luego!
Patty

How do you want to be remembered?

September 13, 2006 at 11:33 am | Posted in Grieving, Mood | Leave a comment

Last week, there was a burial in town for a young mama (in her 30s, with two children, one in 5th grade and one in 7th) and we were discussing her short life and the accomplishments she had made. . . we were all sniffling and crying about it. . . she went to bed on Saturday and had a brain aneurysm and never woke up again. I am so saddened by this young mother’s death and pray for her two children and her widower, that they can find some comfort during these rough rough days. . .

One of the mamas discussing her, said that she does a lot of things for her family and those she loves, and hopes that they appreciate her. Then she went on to say that she also does a lot of things in the community and does them so that she’ll be noticed and that people will think good of her.

I was struck by her statement, “so that people will think good of her” because I also do things in my community, but not for people to think good of me, kwim? I do them because they ARE good things (like helping with the blood drives). Anyway, I thought her statement was a bit selfish, what do you think?

How would you like to be remembered?

Frustration!

September 9, 2006 at 1:03 pm | Posted in Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, Kidney Problems, Mood | Leave a comment

Bad news today:

the first was my urologist, who tells me after an ultrasound, CAT scan and IVP that there is NOTHING wrong with me, that the blood in my urine is just “one of those things that some people have to live with”

the second was my family doctor, who tells me that my AC1 Test came back at 6.8 which is an increase of a point, which isn’t good (I have since forgotten what an AC1 Test is supposed to measure, blood sugar, I think?). She also tells me that my albumin is low, my kidneys aren’t in good shape (du-uh, I know I’m in kidney failure, tell me something I DON’T know) and that the low albumin is causing me to swell like a sponge  She said to eat a lot of potassium-rich foods and to avoid salt like the plague.

how do people with chronic illnesses keep going? I’ve got bipolar disorder which I am living with, thanks to my meds, psychiatrist and therapist; I’m diabetic and have high blood pressure and am in kidney failure. today it feels as if everything is sitting on the top of me and I can’t breathe.

I just want to quit. no matter what I do, I keep having these health problems. I have cut out the salt, am watching my sugar regularly and have been eating bananas (potassium).

how do I keep going when my mind is telling me to quit?

I am NOT related to those people LOL

August 2, 2006 at 11:25 am | Posted in Mood, Reunion | Leave a comment

We (Daniel and I) went on a week-long family reunion and it felt like a two-week long torture.

I am not related to those people.

They are not related to me. I am not sure how we all got to know each other….

I am the one that was criticized all week: for not smacking my child around with a hand (in the face or on the bottom); for not smacking him with a hanger in the bottom or with a belt on the bottom or a ruler on the legs. THEY all do it, or did it, why don’t I????

I was also criticized for doing the family bed: now this is NOT something I announced to them, my mother took it upon herself to announce to the world that my family sleeps together, “what do you think of that?” and of course they all told me it was WRONG and SICK, etc., etc.

Every time I turned around, they were telling me to CONTROL my child. HELLO, he was NOT out of control, he was behaving like a typical 7-year old boy, and I was not going to haul him by the arm and slap him like YOU DO.

Who are these people and why are they calling themselves my cousins?

Even Daniel’s cousins were asking him hadn’t he ever been slapped in the face like they had. He just looked at me with this startled look on his face.

OH and when I did the counting for him, y’know, “1-2-3 Magic” counting? They thought that was hysterical and at one time when a cousin thought Daniel was misbehaving, she screamed “1-2” at him and he froze. I just about lost it.

In fact, the night before we left, I DID LOSE IT. There was screaming and tears and I told one cousin and my mother that I didn’t appreciate all the cr@p they had been throwing at me all weekend……..I didn’t criticize THEIR mothering and G*d knows I could have.

Anyway, thanks for letting me rant and vent. I needed this. Ron heard it all yesterday and he said too bad HE wasn’t there things would have been LOUDER and he doesn’t want me going back there.

Fat & Depressed, Depressed & Fat

November 25, 2005 at 10:39 am | Posted in Depression, Journeys Program, Mood | Leave a comment

it’s like which came first, the chicken or the egg? I am fat and depressed.

I didn’t want to hijack anyone else’s thread so am starting one here.

went to see my family doctor on Wednesday because of hip pain, she said it’s bursitis. she said I should continue to do my WATP videos and take pain pills for the bursitis. if the pain pills don’t help, I need a shot for the bursitis.

anyway, while I was there, we discussed my weight; I am losing and gaining the same five pounds. I am at the highest ever, 230, and hate myself. I have zero motivation. she recommended a program at the local hospital, it starts in January, called “Journeys”. all of her patients who took it lost at least 40 pounds and have kept it off. here’s the kicker: it costs $450 for 11 weeks. WWYD?

I told dh that I wanted to do it, my Christmas present to myself (this was before I found out the cost).

I want to lose weight and get off my blood pressure pills, I am tired of being a size 24, of huffing and puffing while I walk up and down our stairs, of not being able to tie my own d@rn shoes, but I don’t have $450 and don’t know what dh will say when I tell him the cost.

again, WWYD? I am tempted to call his insurance office at work to see if they will cover the program…..some insurances cover WW now, the doctor said it would be worth the call. she didn’t say it would cost $450, she thought it was like $200, which would be easier to afford.

anyway, I’m rambling and am feeling blah. ds and I are meeting dh for lunch at his office. maybe I should tell him there so he won’t blow up in front of everyone in the cafeteria LOL

how do you keep going when you want to quit? I just want to curl up and sleep under a rock someplace…..

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